Can the Titanic Ever Sail Again?

Can the Hindenburg ever make another flight? Can Muhammad Ali regain his heavyweight title? Can John Lennon producing a chart-topping hit next year?

In a similar vein, CNN asks: Can John Edwards make a comeback? Johnny Boy is up to his old "Two Americas" shtick again (I originally misspelled "shtick" as something cruder but much more accurate, by the way). He's slowly, slowly creeping back into the spotlight, starting with a discussion of the 2008 election at Indiana University.

CNN quotes a political scientist on Edwards' future: "He needs to figure out what the Democratic Party needs post-Obama election and step back and think, 'Well, what can I bring to the table?' "

Well, let's see. What does he bring to the table?

-A wealth of inexperience
-A reputation as a deceitful flip-flopper who changed from "sunny, smiling centrist" in 2004 to "hard-edged class warrior" in 2008
-A long history of demagoguery
-A series of failed presidential bids

And that's not even mentioning that whole "had an affair while his wife was dying of cancer thing." Oops, I guess I mentioned that just now. Well, might as well throw that on the table.

Edwards hasn't held a real job since 2004. He hasn't won an election since 1998--which, funnily enough, was the only time he ever won an election. In 2004, he failed to carry his home state for the Democratic ticket. A real shooting star, that John Edwards.

Let this Onion piece serve as a fitting epitaph for Edwards' political career.