April 1: Visit Queen Elizabeth; pump her about the secrets of the regal wave
April 2: Meet with Gordon Brown to discuss A) the world economic crisis and B) which nation's version of "The Office" is better
April 3: Take a trip to the suburbs of Paris to see how French handle young Muslim immigrants; see what the French do, make note to do the exact opposite
April 4: Hint to Sarkozy that we might be willing to slip a couple billion his way if he renames the "Arc de Triomphe" the "Arc de Obama"
April 5: Let's see...the Czech Republic? Who the hell put that on the itinerary?
April 6: Visit the grave of some Turkish guy who, according to your handlers, was sort of a big deal over there
April 7: Don't forget to pick up souvenirs!
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